To help America, I used Crusader Kings 3 to figure out how to remove a doddering, senile lunatic from power

I heard it on the wireless: election fever is sweeping America. The world's loudest democracy is headed to the ballot box to vote in its next slate of soda jerks and Chevrolets and whatever else it is they have over there. It's all very exciting.

Can I help? Yes. I've already solved my own country's politics, now it's time to help the benighted and backward people of places like "Connecticut" and "the Oklahoma Panhandle"—fantasy names from a land beyond knowing. People love it when foreigners tell them how to do their own domestic politics, and especially when they have as robust a methodology as I have: a copy of Crusader Kings 3 and most of the DLC.

Using Paradox's premier 1066 simulator, I will ascertain the best way to remove a burrowed-in leader from power. Which real-life figure is this a videogame analogue for? …