I've never felt worse for doing well in a videogame than in this intensely '90s citybuilder

I think it's obvious and uncontroversial to say that the automobile is a tool of capital to subjugate the worker, to atomise them in their locomoting coffins and alienate them from their fellow human beings. It is bourgeois ideology made manifest: an expensive fantasy that you are separate from, free of, and superior to society.

I'm not just saying this because I'm 33 years old and have no driving licence. That's actually very radical and, dare I say it, sexy of me.

I am considering these weighty matters because of Car Park Capital, a recently early-accessed management sim and citybuilder that tasks you with putting an end to those familiar old plagues which never rest from menacing society: walkability, green spaces, and public transport. You are the lone force standing against urban comfort and livability, and your weapon is an ocean of asphalt.

It's satire, yes, right down to the little anthropomorphic steering wheel who lives in the corner of …